12 March, 2015
Respect for others is an essential element of a productive learning environment. Is your teen disrespectful? Establish guidelines for behavior now. Remember you are the parent and you are in charge!
Here are some ideas to try:
Make a list of acceptable behaviors. “In our house, we don't ... ” (use bad words, call people names, leave a mess for someone else to pick up, borrow without asking, etc.).
~Give your teen appropriate words to express her feelings. Tell her you will tolerate her saying, “You hurt my feelings." But she can't say “Shut up," curse or call you names.
~Never tolerate disrespect no matter how annoyed or troubled your teen is at the moment. Say, “No matter how irritated or how right you think you are, you do not have the right to be disrespectful to others.”
~Use Grandma's Rule. This is basically an agreement that says, “When you have done what you are supposed to do, then you may do what you want to do.” Always phrase it positively: “You can talk on the phone when you finish your chores.”
~Take control of resources. A teen who is “independently wealthy”—who has a big allowance and a room full of electronic equipment—is in a position to ignore her parents' demands. Reduce the allowance to zero and let her earn money by behaving responsibly.
~Teach your teen to negotiate for what she wants, instead of arguing.
~If nothing seems to work, give this option: “Would you like to cool off by yourself for a while, or would you like a hug?” This can get you both out of a bad mood, so you can start afresh.
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Hopkinton Middle School
